The First Time I Shared My Thoughts
Writing was never a strong suit of mine. At least I didn't think I could write.  I also didn't think anyone was really interested in the musings that floated around my brain on a constant basis. LOL  You see, my mind races with over analyzed ideas and I have always assumed that my mind is where they would stay.  But all that changed two years ago. 

On June 15,2018, God was about to show me that some of those musings, some of those thoughts were meant to be shared. To help others with their journey. To let someone else know that they aren't alone.   

With a feeling and urgency that I couldn't understand I started writing what was on my heart. I don't know where the words came from but out they came fast and furious.  When I was done, I was surprised at what I had written.  I was shocked that it came from me. LOL  It was my first "blog post".  This was the first time I was brave enough to share part of my story.  

It showed up in my facebook memories yesterday morning and I wanted to share it here for my new friends.  I also wanted to say thank you to everyone that took the time to read it two years ago, to comment words of encouragement, and the shared "me too" moments.  This post meant a lot to me and I think it's still relevant today.  Here's the original post on Facebook.  And below is the blog itself copied from Facebook.  Enjoy and thank you once again for taking the time dive into my thoughts. 

Do What Is Expected or What Your Heart Desires?  
Originally posted to Facebook June 15, 2018

That thing you volunteer for, is it what you really want to do or what you think you are supposed to do? What you are expected to do?

I'm reading a 
book and not even one chapter into it, the author, Rachel Hollis, talks about doing what makes you happy. That includes volunteering. It struck a cord with me and I needed to share this. In fact, I can't seem to write it out fast enough.

Flash back 20 years ago. I only had 4 children at the time but I felt like that was a lot and so did everyone at church. I grew up in that church. There were unspoken expectations and I heard them loud and clear. I took my four children to nursery every Sunday so I could attend services and therefore I was expected to do my time in the nursery. However, I didn't want to be there. It wasn't what I was called to do or enjoyed doing. Every Sunday I spent my time in the nursery. I did an incredible job with each child, with each duty, with each dirty diaper, and temper tantrum throwing toddler. I did it because it was "seeds". I prayed each week and asked God to count it as "seeds" that all of my children would have someone in their life, a teacher, coach, etc. that would also treat them with that same care and concern. I'm glad I did it. That time, those "seeds", bore an incredible harvest! But during the planting season I was miserable.

Now flash forward 20 years. A move to Georgia from Dallas. Without a church home for years. Finally finding it just 2 short years ago. When they started talking "next steps" and "serving".... well,..... I had flash backs. Terrible flash backs. LOL I was smarter this time. I had learned a thing or two. Before volunteering at my new church, I prayed and asked God what I should volunteer for first.  I stared at that volunteer form for days! Secretly, I knew what I wanted to do. But I didn't have any experience really. All the "voices of doubt and fear of rejection" stepped up to the microphone. I was afraid to ask! I took the safe route and volunteered for making and delivering meals. I was good at it AND I enjoyed it! But I still had a desire to do something I had never done before. With a lot of prayer and a divine appointment through a phone call, I gathered the courage to ask. One month later, I was behind a live camera. I was helping to bring the dangerous message of Christ to people all over the world! I was doing something that I had been fascinated with since stepping into the studios at TBN in Dallas years and years ago. It's been over a year now and each time I step behind a camera it is still exciting. When I serve I am happy. I am passionate. I am grateful. I am proud.

What is the point of this story? I'm not sure really. I felt like I needed to share it so I did. I can't say my time in the nursery all those years ago wasn't worth it. It was. The reward was wonderful. But I feel like I made the best out of a situation that I was silently expected to live in. I didn't really choose it. When it came time to do it again though, I determined from the get go that just because I had 7 children didn't mean I had to automatically serve with the youth. I could choose to do something different. Now don't get me wrong, our youth is amazing and the ironic part is that I am back serving with the youth. I'm just doing it behind a camera now! And I truly truly enjoy each night. I truly consider it a privilege. All of this makes me wonder if because I did my best and honored God the best I could back then, am I being rewarded now?

What do you think?

Have you ever been in a situation where you volunteered for something just because you thought it was what you were supposed to do?


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