Not Right Now
I’ll deal with it when it’s over. Not right now. That is where I am at this point.
Years ago, when I was about 15 years old, my friend and I were out driving around late at night, in the freezing rain.  Who knows what was going through our minds with this foolishness as neither one of us even had a drivers license at the time.  I don’t really remember what kind of car it was except that it was a large 4 door sedan. Possibly, my mother's Mercury Marquis. It was big and heavy.   Not the ideal car for a tiny teenage girl that could barely reach the pedals.
We were driving through the shopping center in our neighborhood.  An area that I had been through so many times before. I knew that there was a pretty big dip in the parking lot between the Safeway and the Kmart.   If you didn’t go through it slow enough it would cause damage to your car possibly even sending you slightly air borne.  But I wasn’t thinking about that.  I also wasn’t paying attention to the quickly accumulating ice that was all over the parking lot. I was laughing and singing with my friend while driving way to fast.
The next thing you know , we hit the dip and the black ice that had formed there causing this massive vehicle to begin spinning out of control towards the Kmart building.  I didn't hit the brakes.  I just took my foot off the gas and began to turn the wheel in the opposite direction that the car was spinning.  I did this over and over, while my friend was screaming beside me. Finally, the tires hit pavement and I gained control of the car just as abruptly as I had lost control.  I pulled us into the closest parking spot, put the gears in park, turned the car off, took a deep breath, and then had a complete freak out.
My friend would tell me later that what she kept replaying over and over in her mind was how calm I was during the whole thing.  She was literally screaming and I was completely calm. Completely focused.  I had blocked out not only her fear filled screams but also the KMART building that we were seemingly destined to smash into.  I did what needed to be done. And I did it well.  Then and only then after everything was secure and she and I were safe did I allow myself to feel the emotion and process what I had just gone through.  Little did I know that this was how I would handle every crisis that I would encounter for the next 37 years.
I have not had one moment of panic, worry, or concern as I have gone through this Covid -19 Quarantine.   At first I though it was because I have learned through past experiences that I can trust God so there is no need to fear or worry.  (That statement is true BTW).   But as the days have gone by and I have watched friends struggle with the emotions of fear, worry, frustration, and even anger,  I began to wonder what in the world was wrong with me? Did I have no compassion or empathy? Was I, as Jennifer Aniston said about Brad Pitt, missing a sensitivity chip?  I have been perfectly fine, sleeping well, etc. all while continuing to treat each day as “normal”.  Even though things have really changed for us, I personally haven’t changed. Why? It was in asking these questions of myself that God brought to my memory that incredibly scary moment all those years ago when that car went spinning out of control.  
There are so many similarities for me between what happened then and what we are going through now. A crisis isn’t what I was thinking about when it happened. It happened so fast it seems. I was "laughing and singing"  with my family and friends when this thing hit.  We were going fast through life. We were focusing on our goals and plans completely oblivious to the danger that lay ahead. Suddenly life began spinning out of our control.  My first thought was this can’t be happening.  That first thought is where I still sit.  I am still in disbelief of the things that are going on around me and in the world.
While I am happy to report that there isn’t anything wrong with me and I’m not missing a sensitivity chip LOL I am disappointed a little bit.  I have longed to share some wonderful emotion filled blogs and posts with you. Posts filled with happy solutions or empathetic musings that would somehow validate what you are feeling. However, that type of content and ideas are seeming to escape me these days. Now I know why. I’m just doing what I always do. I am staying calm. I am doing what needs to be done to the best of my ability until we are all back safely on solid ground.  
We aren’t there yet.   I don’t know when we will be but until then I will continue spinning the wheel of our life via prayerful action towards God who is always in control.   
And friend,  if you too are feeling peaceful and calm during this crisis or emotionally numb, it’s okay.  Chances are there’s nothing wrong with you either.  Your car is spinning beyond your control and you are steering it as best as you can until you hit solid ground again.  I pray that we will all hit that solid ground soon.  
Until that time, be well. Be safe. Be kind. Be gentle with your judgments of others but also of yourself.


  1. I'm sorry that I just got around to reading this. This is EXACTLY how I handled those early weeks and months of my daughter's life when we had long hospital stays, multiple surgeries, diagnoses, specialists, therapists, in home nurses, and the list goes on. I lived in the hospital for weeks with her, not knowing if she would even survive, and I was numb. People would say "I don't know how you do it" or "I would just fall apart," but I just did what I had to do.
    Lauren Kay AUTHOR  05/15/2020 01:03 PM Central
    We are always so much stronger than we think. You are an amazing woman and mother!
  2. You are truly an inspiration and a vessel of God's pure love. Thank you for sharing your testimony.
    Lauren Kay AUTHOR  05/15/2020 01:04 PM Central
    Thank you for your kind words friend! Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I truly appreciate it!
  3. Your writing skills are great and your storytelling is even better. Keep it up!
  4. Megan Nichole Yocum  04/23/2020 04:25 PM Central
    I love this story! I’m the exact same way. I’m always calm. I know Hod has my back and if this virus or anything was going to take me, it’s because Hod needs me. Until then I love my life, family, friends and everything about it! Thanks for sharing.

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